I saw him from across the room and my heart sank. He wasn't one of my Hospice patients, but I knew it wouldn't be long until he met criteria to come on board. You see the majority of my patients are at the same Assisted Living facility. So I get to know all of the residents, not only the ones on Hospice Care. This particular gentleman was getting more and more confused, but the one thing that never changed was his politeness. He answered most questions with "Yes Ma'am" even though he was close to 40 years older then me! When it came time to approach his family about Hospice care they were relieved to know that I already knew of him and quickly signed all of the necessary paperwork. Now that he was officially assigned to me, I didn't just have to watch him from across the room, I could go up to him and share daily hugs with him as I did with the rest of my patients. It was a pleasure getting to know him, but as with some patients, he took a turn for the worst rather quickly. Here is where I am going with this. He loved the Lord! He may not have remembered if he had breakfast or not on any given day. May not have known if the clothes on his back were dirty or clean. He may not have even remembered a single face in the room, but if you asked him about the bible by his bed, his face would light up and he would quote scripture for you. Even as he lay actively dying, with a raspy voice and tears falling, he sang full verse and chorus to an old time hymn. How is it that a man can lose all memory but yet remember scripture and hymns? One Answer: A Beautiful Love. A love that loves God with all of his heart, all of his soul, and all of his mind! For that is how The Lord our God says to love in Matthew 22:37
Here is my thought and a disclaimer. Disclaimer: I know the more I talk about God, the more people will be watching me. Will I get it right every time? No. I will stumble. And when I do, there will be a non-believer waiting to say Ahhh Haaa, I told you so! So all I can do is pray and hope that I get it right more often then I get it wrong. I am a sinner, that is why I need a Savior!
Thought: For years I attended church learning about God, but am just now figuring out what it means to have a relationship with God. As I grow closer to him, that verse that says Love God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, has new meaning. I can almost compare it to falling in love. When we first meet someone and have that 'love' feeling for them,we want to get to know them more. So we ask questions and find out about their past, their present, and their future goals. Same as with God. Those questions come in the form of a hunger to know more about him, therefore we get a hunger to be in the word. Keep in mind, I'm talking about myself and these are just thoughts. So I get in the bible to find out all I can about the God I'm falling in love with. As the courting continues, we may feel the urge to hold the other person's hand. You care so much for them that you want to feel their touch. With God, it's I feel so connected to you that I cannot help myself but to lift up my hands to you with Praise! And finally with that special someone, we'll want to take them out and spend money on them. With God, it's tithing. I am learning everything I can by reading about him in the bible and now that I know him better I can't help myself but to want to touch him with my hands lifted high! And finally, I want to spend my money on him. I can't help myself but to WANT to tithe. I want to give to the God who so loves me because I so love him. My three examples to myself for loving with heart, soul, mind! Maybe they will be helpful to you too! Another group has the song for the moment. The Afters with 'A Beautiful Love'......"Maybe a greater thing will happen, maybe all will see. Maybe this love will catch like fire as it burns through me"..... My patient's love burned through him and caught on to me. Hopefully it burns through me and catches on to you. And so on and so on infinity......
Lesson: Do you love God with all of your heart, all of your soul, and all of your mind to the point when you forget everything else, you will remember scripture and hymns? I hope I do!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Daily Maintenance
To All that are following-
Thank you so much for your support and words of encouragement! It really helps push me to continue. I have been having trouble trying to decide which story I wanted to share first, but as the days passed and still no decision, it finally came to me today! Lessons or thoughts come in the funniest of ways. At least for me. I would imagine that we could look at any situation and find some kind of lesson learned. Mine came today in the form of my work computer. I lug this thing around all day everyday to chart my visits. All of the important information is kept there for the team of chaplains, social workers, and other nurses to have access to. The main thing I have to remember is to 'sync' after writing my notes in order for the others to see what I have done. If I don't do that one important step, then it is as if I didn't do it because the others can't see it. Another important thing to remember about my computer is that once a week I have to 'reinitialize'. That cleans the old stuff off my computer to make room for the new stuff. As it gets closer to the 1 week mark, my computer gets cranky! The crankier it gets, the crankier I get. And let me tell you......I feel cranky today! Maybe not so much cranky as DRAINED!!! Have you ever felt like that? I would imagine that any occupation along with LIFE in general can make us all feel like that every now and then. Well here comes my lesson/thought/insight, whatever we want to call it.
I think I may have missed out on my own personal 'sync'. If my computer needs to be in sync, then what about me? I may not have to literally plug into a secure online database, but I sure need to plug in somewhere! That's when it hit me. ( ouch that hurt) I need to plug in/'sync' in the bible and prayer. If I remember to do that, then others will be able to "see" what I have become. Just saying I Am A Christan doesn't make it so, others need to see that. If I go day by day forgetting to 'sync' myself with God, then it's as if I don't do it because others can't see it.Wow, that was an important thing for me to figure out! And what about 'Reinitializing'? Cleaning the old stuff out to make room for the new stuff? One word.....CHURCH. I need a place to unload the daily burdens that weigh me down. So as I go to worship and lift my hands in praise, I am getting cleansed and renewed! The longer I go in between getting cleansed and renewed, the crankier I get. Feeling drained and burnt out is a big sign to me that I have missed my daily 'sync' time with God. And being out of town last weekend and missing church has caused an overload of burdens to carry around.
I am not perfect, and this walk , this close walk with God, is new to me. But if I am going to spend so much time taking care of a lifeless computer, then it only makes sense to spend even more time taking care of myself! What an amazing way to keep myself in working order. Time in The Word and Prayer, as well as surrounding myself with other Christians at church. Who knew it could be as simple as that?
SO NOTE TO SELF: Don't forget daily 'sync' and weekly 'reinitializing'.
Thank you so much for your support and words of encouragement! It really helps push me to continue. I have been having trouble trying to decide which story I wanted to share first, but as the days passed and still no decision, it finally came to me today! Lessons or thoughts come in the funniest of ways. At least for me. I would imagine that we could look at any situation and find some kind of lesson learned. Mine came today in the form of my work computer. I lug this thing around all day everyday to chart my visits. All of the important information is kept there for the team of chaplains, social workers, and other nurses to have access to. The main thing I have to remember is to 'sync' after writing my notes in order for the others to see what I have done. If I don't do that one important step, then it is as if I didn't do it because the others can't see it. Another important thing to remember about my computer is that once a week I have to 'reinitialize'. That cleans the old stuff off my computer to make room for the new stuff. As it gets closer to the 1 week mark, my computer gets cranky! The crankier it gets, the crankier I get. And let me tell you......I feel cranky today! Maybe not so much cranky as DRAINED!!! Have you ever felt like that? I would imagine that any occupation along with LIFE in general can make us all feel like that every now and then. Well here comes my lesson/thought/insight, whatever we want to call it.
I think I may have missed out on my own personal 'sync'. If my computer needs to be in sync, then what about me? I may not have to literally plug into a secure online database, but I sure need to plug in somewhere! That's when it hit me. ( ouch that hurt) I need to plug in/'sync' in the bible and prayer. If I remember to do that, then others will be able to "see" what I have become. Just saying I Am A Christan doesn't make it so, others need to see that. If I go day by day forgetting to 'sync' myself with God, then it's as if I don't do it because others can't see it.Wow, that was an important thing for me to figure out! And what about 'Reinitializing'? Cleaning the old stuff out to make room for the new stuff? One word.....CHURCH. I need a place to unload the daily burdens that weigh me down. So as I go to worship and lift my hands in praise, I am getting cleansed and renewed! The longer I go in between getting cleansed and renewed, the crankier I get. Feeling drained and burnt out is a big sign to me that I have missed my daily 'sync' time with God. And being out of town last weekend and missing church has caused an overload of burdens to carry around.
I am not perfect, and this walk , this close walk with God, is new to me. But if I am going to spend so much time taking care of a lifeless computer, then it only makes sense to spend even more time taking care of myself! What an amazing way to keep myself in working order. Time in The Word and Prayer, as well as surrounding myself with other Christians at church. Who knew it could be as simple as that?
SO NOTE TO SELF: Don't forget daily 'sync' and weekly 'reinitializing'.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Beginnings.......
Dear Friends and family,
Well I finally did it! I started a blog page. With so many things happening day by day, especially out in the field as a Hospice nurse, I just needed a place to unload. I cannot even begin to tell you of all of the things I am learning along the way on this journey. Not only do I learn new things from my patients, but I learn from my past memories as well! Be fore-warned that some of the stories could make you cry, but it usually is a good kind of cry. But let's start at the beginning. The blog page title of Two Hands Lifted. It is new to me to Love the Lord so much that you can't help yourself but to lift up your hands in praise and worship! It is a feeling that comes from deep inside. As you grow to know him from the inside, you grow to want to show it on the outside. Then came along a song by Jars of Clay interestingly enough titled 'Two Hands'. This says it all from the song...." I use one hand to pull you closer and the other hand to push you away. If I had two hands doing the same thing.....lifted high" Well, if you are like me and mimicked the hand motions with the words, the end result is both hands are lifted up and in that position you can't help but worship!
But even further back then just the title comes the reason for becoming a Hospice Nurse in the first place. Close to 2 yrs ago, my mother passed away while on Hospice. My father had passed away 13 yrs earlier on Hospice. When my dad passed away I was still working in the Intensive Care Unit. Who knew that all of those years as a died hard ICU nurse was grooming me to become what I am today? Don't take me wrong, my dad's death hit hard and threw my world into chaos, but there is something different about losing your mom. There is really no other way to explain it other than it's your mom. So if most of my blogs are gonna be about things Hospice patients have/are teaching me, it only makes sense to start with what my mom's death taught me.
She lay there with gray hair of spun silk and porcelain skin so smooth that it deceived all who looked at her of her true age. In fact looking at her it was not even apparent that she was sick and dying. But as I watched the gray rain coming down, I knew with a daughter's heart that she would die that day. As she took her last breath she looked more beautiful then I ever remembered and the glow around her made it hard to turn away. Maybe it was a brush of an Angel's wing or even a reflection of God's own hand on her brow that made her shimmer as her spirit floated away to Heaven. As painful as losing her was, it was also comforting to see a peaceful death. ( Dad's was very peaceful as well and I don't want to take away from the pain of losing him)
Lesson: Death comes. But it can be beautiful. No other words come to my mind right now to describe it. Especially for a believer in God as she was. Other then the ones that die instantly(which in itself can be a blessing as well), those that have an illness and know they are dying can have hope for a pain/anxiety free passing. Each person has something different to offer and I can't wait to share the many stories that the dying has taught me! Join me for an amazing journey of personal and spiritual growth as we learn together life's lessons.
Well I finally did it! I started a blog page. With so many things happening day by day, especially out in the field as a Hospice nurse, I just needed a place to unload. I cannot even begin to tell you of all of the things I am learning along the way on this journey. Not only do I learn new things from my patients, but I learn from my past memories as well! Be fore-warned that some of the stories could make you cry, but it usually is a good kind of cry. But let's start at the beginning. The blog page title of Two Hands Lifted. It is new to me to Love the Lord so much that you can't help yourself but to lift up your hands in praise and worship! It is a feeling that comes from deep inside. As you grow to know him from the inside, you grow to want to show it on the outside. Then came along a song by Jars of Clay interestingly enough titled 'Two Hands'. This says it all from the song...." I use one hand to pull you closer and the other hand to push you away. If I had two hands doing the same thing.....lifted high" Well, if you are like me and mimicked the hand motions with the words, the end result is both hands are lifted up and in that position you can't help but worship!
But even further back then just the title comes the reason for becoming a Hospice Nurse in the first place. Close to 2 yrs ago, my mother passed away while on Hospice. My father had passed away 13 yrs earlier on Hospice. When my dad passed away I was still working in the Intensive Care Unit. Who knew that all of those years as a died hard ICU nurse was grooming me to become what I am today? Don't take me wrong, my dad's death hit hard and threw my world into chaos, but there is something different about losing your mom. There is really no other way to explain it other than it's your mom. So if most of my blogs are gonna be about things Hospice patients have/are teaching me, it only makes sense to start with what my mom's death taught me.
She lay there with gray hair of spun silk and porcelain skin so smooth that it deceived all who looked at her of her true age. In fact looking at her it was not even apparent that she was sick and dying. But as I watched the gray rain coming down, I knew with a daughter's heart that she would die that day. As she took her last breath she looked more beautiful then I ever remembered and the glow around her made it hard to turn away. Maybe it was a brush of an Angel's wing or even a reflection of God's own hand on her brow that made her shimmer as her spirit floated away to Heaven. As painful as losing her was, it was also comforting to see a peaceful death. ( Dad's was very peaceful as well and I don't want to take away from the pain of losing him)
Lesson: Death comes. But it can be beautiful. No other words come to my mind right now to describe it. Especially for a believer in God as she was. Other then the ones that die instantly(which in itself can be a blessing as well), those that have an illness and know they are dying can have hope for a pain/anxiety free passing. Each person has something different to offer and I can't wait to share the many stories that the dying has taught me! Join me for an amazing journey of personal and spiritual growth as we learn together life's lessons.
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