With a Child Like.............

The other day my daughter and I went for a walk. It was a beautiful sunny day with not a cloud in the sky. We heard a plane fly overhead and we both stopped to look up in the sky. For the life of me, I could not find the passing plane. Now I know all about the speed of sound and how we may hear the plane even though it may not be directly overhead; But I am here to tell you that plane could NOT be found! Kaylin said " well maybe it is behind a cloud". Not a cloud in sight, I replied. " Well then maybe it is behind the sky" was her answer and I quickly got a mental picture of the plane covered by the blanket of sky. She then added " and only Jesus and God can see the plane". As I stood there still quite perplexed over the 'missing' plane, her innocent answer really melted my heart. It was in her mind the only logical explanation. And I thought to myself, at what point did I lose my child like faith in God? She really believes that Jesus and God are sitting up there staring down at us......and well, aren't they?  Just like a few months ago when her and her daddy were out flying a kite. We all know that the picture on the kite faces the one flying the kite so you can enjoy what you are flying. She asked Curtis(my husband) to turn the kite around so that Jesus could see the picture of the kite too. Again that child like faith. So I ask myself again. At what point in my life did I lose that child like belief? In a flash I was taken back to when I was a child. Probably the same age Kaylin is now. It was a stormy night with frequent flashes of lightening and a Boisterous thunder that shook the whole house and rattled the windows. I sat frightened looking out our glass door at the storm and my mother came up behind me and said" Boy,somebody sure made God mad". Just then it started to rain to which she quickly added" and now he is sad and crying". In my child like mind, I pictured a very powerful God who could shake the world with thunder,light the darkness with streaks of lightening, and then shed tears of sadness in the form of rain over all of creation! Could this be what Jesus means when in Matthew 18:3 he says " I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven". Just think of the two stories I've just shared. The all out, not a shadow of a doubt, belief by 2 little girls that God is real, powerful, loving, and watching from above. He is mighty enough to cover a plane with a  sky blanket and big enough to rattle the world with a shake of his hand; But loving enough to cry for us when we lose our way. I don't want to ever stray from  my child like love again. I love God and Jesus his son and the next time I hear thunder I hope I fall to my knees in worship. As a matter of fact, why wait for thunder?
 So I left the title open ended because it could be a child like anything. A child like....fear....love...belief....faith.....   you fill in the blanks

Monkey See, Monkey Do

This is a saying that used to always make me giggle. Mostly because I always picture the people I have seen in front of the monkey cage at the zoo. Making silly faces and doing funny things trying to make the monkeys imitate them. You probably have seen those people too! But the bottom line is that the monkeys weren't ever interested in what that person in front of his cage was doing. They watch for a while( as if to get their own giggles in) but then casually walk away to follow another monkey. Thats when the saying really has meaning because inevitablly when two or more are together they are off in true monkey see, monkey do fashion. They weren't born knowing how to do the most common of things such as swing from a branch or groom the bugs off of another monkey. They learned it from watching the other monkeys around them. It is the same with our own children. They watch us with curious eyes and attentive ears! Even at the youngest of ages. I remember a few years back when my daughter was still just a toddler. I had just started listening exclusively to Christian music in my car. One day a song came on and I couldn't help but lift up one hand( I had to keep the other one on the steering wheel) as I loudly sang along. Changing lanes, I glanced in the rearview mirror to catch sight of my toddler with one hand held high in imitation of me! What a heartwarming moment. But keep in mind that it goes for the not so great moments either. I have caught her shaking her tiny fists at a car as it cut us off and I have heard from her mouth not so choice words. It is with shame that I confess that part. But it makes clear that the little ones see and hear what we do. This brings me to a patient of mine. He was the sweetest of men( I say that about all of my patients though)! It was God driven that our paths crossed as he was out of my usual area that I normally covered, and I so happened to volunteer to take an admission that day. He had great reservations about going on Hospice because quite frankly he wasn't ready to 'give up'. We talked about Hospice in general and how 'giving up' was not in our vocabulary either. He then mentioned about being a Christian which was my opening to be able to talk about it as well. ( I am not really allowed except if and only IF the patient wants to talk about it) Interestingly enough he was a Jewish man who had chosen to accept that Jesus was Christ. To make a long story short we talked about scripture, shared stories, and held hands as we prayed. Later in the week, I was invited by his family to attend a family day with him. All of his children and grand children had come for a visit as it became apparent that the end of days was near for him. As they sat around a large round table, my patient shared stories he remembered about each of his 3 children. There were tears and laughter as he brought up 3 very DIFFERENT stories about his now adult children from when they were but a child. When it was his childrens turn to share, the most amazing thing happened. As it turned out, they all 3 had the SAME thing to say about him. They each remembered dads big fluffy oversized 'prayer' chair. He laughed when he heard the description of his prayer chair and said that he had purposely gotten the biggest overstuffed too big for the room chair. A chair that the children could not see it for anything else other then what it was meant for. Often that was where they found him and when he was there, they knew not to disturb him for he was in communication with God. What a testimony of his life as the children's stories ,although slightly different, were the same in regards to picturing their dad in that chair for prayer and scripture reading! It made me think long and hard about if people were gathered around a big round table in rememberance of my life, what would they remember? In particular, what would my child remember? I hope with all of my heart she remembers two hands lifted( One when driving) Does she see how I treat others? You betcha! Does she hear the words from my mouth? You betcha! Does she see mommy, or even daddy, sitting in a big fluffy prayer chair every night? Not yet........but am I in the market for a big fluffy prayer chair? YOU BETCHA!!!!!!

And maybe next time you walk past a person 'monkeying around'in front of the monkey cage at the zoo, you'll get a chuckle......... :)

A Beautiful Love

I saw him from across the room and my heart sank. He wasn't one of my Hospice patients, but I knew it wouldn't be long until he met criteria to come on board. You see the majority of my patients are at the same Assisted Living facility. So I get to know all of the residents, not only the ones on Hospice Care. This particular gentleman was getting more and more confused, but the one thing that never changed was his politeness. He answered most questions with "Yes Ma'am" even though he was close to 40 years older then me! When it came time to approach his family about Hospice care they were relieved to know that I already knew of him and quickly signed all of the necessary paperwork. Now that he was officially assigned to me, I didn't just have to watch him from across the room, I could go up to him and share daily hugs with him as I did with the rest of my patients. It was a pleasure getting to know him, but as with some patients, he took a turn for the worst rather quickly. Here is where I am going with this. He loved the Lord! He may not have remembered if he had breakfast or not on any given day. May not have known if the clothes on his back were dirty or clean. He may not have even remembered a single face in the room, but if you asked him about the bible by his bed, his face would light up and he would quote scripture for you. Even as he lay actively dying, with a raspy voice and tears falling, he sang full verse and chorus to an old time hymn. How is it that a man can lose all memory but yet remember scripture and hymns? One Answer: A Beautiful Love. A love that loves God with all of his heart, all of his soul, and all of his mind! For that is how The Lord our God says to love in Matthew 22:37

Here is my thought and a disclaimer. Disclaimer: I know the more I talk about God, the more people will be watching me. Will I get it right every time? No. I will stumble. And when I do, there will be a non-believer waiting to say Ahhh Haaa, I told you so! So all I can do is pray and hope that I get it right more often then I get it wrong. I am a sinner, that is why I need a Savior!

Thought: For years I attended church learning about God, but am just now figuring out what it means to have a relationship with God. As I grow closer to him, that verse that says Love God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, has new meaning. I can almost compare it to falling in love. When we first meet someone and have that 'love' feeling for them,we want to get to know them more. So we ask questions and find out about their past, their present, and their future goals. Same as with God. Those questions come in the form of a hunger to know more about him, therefore we get a hunger to be in the word. Keep in mind, I'm talking about myself and these are just thoughts. So I get in the bible to find out all I can about the God I'm falling in love with. As the courting continues, we may feel the urge to hold the other person's hand. You care so much for them that you want to feel their touch. With God, it's I feel so connected to you that I cannot help myself but to lift up my hands to you with Praise! And finally with that special someone, we'll want to take them out and spend money on them. With God, it's tithing. I am learning everything I can by reading about him in the bible and now that I know him better I can't help myself but to want to touch him with my hands lifted high! And finally, I want to spend my money on him. I can't help myself but to WANT to tithe. I want to give to the God who so loves me because I so love him. My three examples to myself for loving with heart, soul, mind! Maybe they will be helpful to you too! Another group has the song for the moment. The Afters with 'A Beautiful Love'......"Maybe a greater thing will happen, maybe all will see. Maybe this love will catch like fire as it burns through me"..... My patient's love burned through him and caught on to me. Hopefully it burns through me and catches on to you. And so on and so on infinity......

Lesson: Do you love God with all of your heart, all of your soul, and all of your mind to the point when you forget everything else, you will remember scripture and hymns? I hope I do!

Daily Maintenance

To All that are following-

Thank you so much for your support and words of encouragement! It really helps push me to continue. I have been having trouble trying to decide which story I wanted to share first, but as the days passed and still no decision, it finally came to me today! Lessons or thoughts come in the funniest of ways. At least for me. I would imagine that we could look at any situation and find some kind of lesson learned. Mine came today in the form of my work computer. I lug this thing around all day everyday to chart my visits. All of the important information is kept there for the team of chaplains, social workers, and other nurses to have access to. The main thing I have to remember is to 'sync' after writing my notes in order for the others to see what I have done. If I don't do that one important step, then it is as if I didn't do it because the others can't see it. Another important thing to remember about my computer is that once a week I have to 'reinitialize'. That cleans the old stuff off my computer to make room for the new stuff. As it gets closer to the 1 week mark, my computer gets cranky! The crankier it gets, the crankier I get. And let me tell you......I feel cranky today! Maybe not so much cranky as DRAINED!!! Have you ever felt like that? I would imagine that any occupation along with LIFE in general can make us all feel like that every now and then. Well here comes my lesson/thought/insight, whatever we want to call it.
I think I may have missed out on my own personal 'sync'. If my computer needs to be in sync, then what about me? I may not have to literally plug into a secure online database, but I sure need to plug in somewhere! That's when it hit me. ( ouch that hurt) I need to plug in/'sync' in the bible and prayer. If I remember to do that, then others will be able to "see" what I have become. Just saying I Am A Christan doesn't make it so, others need to see that. If I go day by day forgetting to 'sync' myself with God, then it's as if I don't do it because others can't see it.Wow, that was an important thing for me to figure out! And what about 'Reinitializing'? Cleaning the old stuff out to make room for the new stuff? One word.....CHURCH. I need a place to unload the daily burdens that weigh me down. So as I go to worship and lift my hands in praise, I am getting cleansed and renewed! The longer I go in between getting cleansed and renewed, the crankier I get. Feeling drained and burnt out is a big sign to me that I have missed my daily 'sync' time with God. And being out of town last weekend and missing church has caused an overload of burdens to carry around.
I am not perfect, and this walk , this close walk with God, is new to me. But if I am going to spend so much time taking care of a lifeless computer, then it only makes sense to spend even more time taking care of myself! What an amazing way to keep myself in working order. Time in The Word and Prayer, as well as surrounding myself with other Christians at church. Who knew it could be as simple as that?
SO NOTE TO SELF: Don't forget daily 'sync' and weekly 'reinitializing'.

Beginnings.......

Dear Friends and family,
Well I finally did it! I started a blog page. With so many things happening day by day, especially out in the field as a Hospice nurse, I just needed a place to unload. I cannot even begin to tell you of all of the things I am learning along the way on this journey. Not only do I learn new things from my patients, but I learn from my past memories as well! Be fore-warned that some of the stories could make you cry, but it usually is a good kind of cry. But let's start at the beginning. The blog page title of Two Hands Lifted. It is new to me to Love the Lord so much that you can't help yourself but to lift up your hands in praise and worship! It is a feeling that comes from deep inside. As you grow to know him from the inside, you grow to want to show it on the outside. Then came along a song by Jars of Clay interestingly enough titled 'Two Hands'. This says it all from the song...." I use one hand to pull you closer and the other hand to push you away. If I had two hands doing the same thing.....lifted high" Well, if you are like me and mimicked the hand motions with the words, the end result is both hands are lifted up and in that position you can't help but worship!
But even further back then just the title comes the reason for becoming a Hospice Nurse in the first place. Close to 2 yrs ago, my mother passed away while on Hospice. My father had passed away 13 yrs earlier on Hospice. When my dad passed away I was still working in the Intensive Care Unit. Who knew that all of those years as a died hard ICU nurse was grooming me to become what I am today? Don't take me wrong, my dad's death hit hard and threw my world into chaos, but there is something different about losing your mom. There is really no other way to explain it other than it's your mom. So if most of my blogs are gonna be about things Hospice patients have/are teaching me, it only makes sense to start with what my mom's death taught me.
She lay there with gray hair of spun silk and porcelain skin so smooth that it deceived all who looked at her of her true age. In fact looking at her it was not even apparent that she was sick and dying. But as I watched the gray rain coming down, I knew with a daughter's heart that she would die that day. As she took her last breath she looked more beautiful then I ever remembered and the glow around her made it hard to turn away. Maybe it was a brush of an Angel's wing or even a reflection of God's own hand on her brow that made her shimmer as her spirit floated away to Heaven. As painful as losing her was, it was also comforting to see a peaceful death. ( Dad's was very peaceful as well and I don't want to take away from the pain of losing him)
Lesson: Death comes. But it can be beautiful. No other words come to my mind right now to describe it. Especially for a believer in God as she was. Other then the ones that die instantly(which in itself can be a blessing as well), those that have an illness and know they are dying can have hope for a pain/anxiety free passing. Each person has something different to offer and I can't wait to share the many stories that the dying has taught me! Join me for an amazing journey of personal and spiritual growth as we learn together life's lessons.